


Maybe You Should Breathe

by StarkSkywalker15



Series: IronWidow Universe [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: About Siberia, Adopted Children, Afghanistan, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety Attacks, Arc Reactor, Arc Reactor Issues, Aunt Natasha Romanov, Aunt Peggy Carter, BAMF Pepper Potts, BAMF Tony Stark, Clint is An Asshole, Depression, Don't Judge, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Hurt Tony Stark, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, IronWidow - Freeform, My First Fanfic, Nathaniel thinks Tony is his father, Nightmares, Obadiah - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter is Tony's son, Peter is a Little Shit, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Black Panther (2018), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Laura Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker, Protective T'Challa (Marvel), Protective Vision (Marvel), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sokovia Accords, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, THE TAGS, Team Iron Man, Team Iron Man Protect Tony, Tony Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Defense Squad, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Tony-centric, Uncle Tony Stark, United Nations, Warnings May Change, because Clint wasn't around, dad tony stark, in english, steve is an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:09:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarkSkywalker15/pseuds/StarkSkywalker15
Summary: After Afghanistan, everything changed. He surrounded himself with thick walls and forged more masks than ever and just a few people could see through them. Then Ultron happened and the walls became bigger, nearly impenetrable.It only took a thirty-six hours warning and a old video to break everything he has build. But his new family helped him to recover... or that's what they though.Now the people who broke him are coming back.And he doesn't know if he could handle it.





	1. Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tony Brings Together A Family (and Doesn't Realize He's a Part of It)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560816) by [LastFemaleTimeLord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastFemaleTimeLord/pseuds/LastFemaleTimeLord). 



> Well, i don't know what to say. English is not my first language so if you see a mistake, please let me know in the comments. Also, I don't know why I'm posting something that I don't even know where I want to take it but the exitment of Infinity War made me do this.

“Mr. Stark this way!”

 

“Shaun Kirkman, New York Times!”

 

“Mr. Stark please!”

 

There were cameras everywhere, reporters yelling his name like crazy to get his attention or trying to get close to him and talk about the annulation of the accords.

 

Just two years ago he was doing his best to keep the avengers together and not fall apart along the way, and he did everything that he could but, in the end, it doesn’t matter how hard he tried. And now, just like if nothing happened, they were over, gone, canceled, no more accords… just… gone.

 

“Please! Get back!” Happy was doing his best to keep the reporters at bay. These idiots, they always think that they are right, that they know everything about him, putting words in his mouth, where there is none.

“What do you have to say about the annulation of the Sokovia accords?!”

 

What he thinks? That it was necessary, but he did not necessarily agree. It was pure bureaucracy, an obstacle that could get people hurt. And he was tired of always being the one to hold the blame for every damage and death they made.

 

Is always the blame.

 

“Mr. Stark! Where is Captain America?!”

 

“Is it true about you and Ms Potts?!”

 

“Mr. Stark, please!”

 

“Mr. Stark, this way!”

 

“Tony!”

 

“Gentlemen, back up!”

 

“Move out the way, please!”

 

“The rogue ones, where are they staying?!”

 

“We’re almost there boss.” Happy whispered at him trying to reassure him.

 

It only took him two minutes to made it to the limo and with all the shouting and flashes.

 

“Woah, that was intense.” He exclaimed while untying the first two bottoms of his shirt, Happy doing the same.

 

“Comparing it with your ‘I Am Iron Man’ conference, is nothing.” Said Happy, frowning his face.

“Well…” He gave him and exhausting smile and shrugged. “What can I say? They love me. Besides, there have been worse.”

 

“Yeah, like those beautiful bunnies in Venice, remember?” Joked Happy, raising his eyebrows. Tony bit his lips, looking out the car window. “I do—Yeah, Happy… I don’t want to—, and those things were huge, really really huge, the hugest thing I’ve ever seen—Can we talk about something else? Because I do not—And it’s not that I’m pervert or anything, but god! How I wish I could go back to that place!” Tony rolled his eyes, he was not in the mood to talk about his old-stupid habits of selfish playboy and billionaire. Those days were over. Now he was in relationship with the most amazing woman in the universe—He hoped so, if the kisses and night time cuddles in the sofa watching movies means anything to Natasha—, Shield was under his charge alongside SI, he had a new family to care of and somehow, he has managed to become the father figure of a sixteen years old. Oh! And, he was the one who teared the avengers apart. At least, that is what Rogers said.

 

“Are you okay boss? You look tired.” Happy was looking at him with worried looks, that means that he looked really bad for him to not be his regular gibberish-self— How long was he wandering in his mind? —, o more like not talking at all.

 

He looked outside and notice that they were at the compound. It was late at night and he was pretty sure that everyone was sleeping in their rooms, which means no happy greetings from Cooper and Lila.

 

“Tony?” Demanded Happy.

 

Tony sighed, closing his eyes. “I’m fine, Hogan.” He opened the door and looked back at Happy with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. “Goodnight honey, say hi to the family.” He got down of the car and closed the door.

 

Inside the compound everything was quiet, as if no one had ever set a foot in this place. But it was full of life.

 

And the Barton family was the first to arrive.

 

Laura called him one night, two weeks after Siberia, saying that a man was outside, and the kids were scared.

 

* * *

 

 

“Do it for the kids. It’s not their fault.” Clint’s wife said from the other side of the line. He could hear she was at the verge of crying and desperate.

 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. get the armor.”

 

“But Boss, the doctor said— I don’t care! Just get the armor!” His AI was right, but lives were in danger, and not any life; Laura, Cooper and Lila Barton were in danger. So he didn’t care if his ribs weren’t healed properly, that his body was getting used to the new arc reactor or that he couldn’t feel his left arm at all— _He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe. Roger was on top of him, destroying his heart. He was breaking and couldn’t breathe_ —, this woman trusted him to go and rescue her family. And if he didn’t do it there would be more blood on his hands.

“Mr. Stark, I-I understand if you don’t want to but please…” Now she was crying.

 

"Laura! Laura, listen! Do you have a panic room or something?" He had to sound confident, in control. If Laura was terrified, that means that the kids too and more. He could hear their crying in the background.

 

But Laura was not responding, and his heartbeat was going faster.

 

"Laura, do you have a panic room? If you have one, you and the kids hide there and don't open the door until you hear my voice, okay? I'll try to be there as soon as possible but, meanwhile, do what I said, lock the door and don't open it until I say otherwise.” That son of a bitch! Whoever it is, he would make sure that there’s not a second time. If this was Ross, he was going to make his life a living hell. “Okay… I’ll be there ASAP, I promise.” That was more for himself than to Laura.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” The mother repeated like a mantra. It seemed as if she didn't expect him to come. That broke the genius heart. And he didn’t know how to respond to that.

 

‘Goddammit Barton! What the hell were you thinking?!’

 

Fifteen minutes later, he was in front of the Barton’s family house door. Laura and the kids were still locked in one of the rooms, safe and sound.

 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. scan the perimeter and send in the tranquilizer armed scouts after the intruder.” As soon as he said it a small plate from left shoulder lifted up and released tiny flying spheres, Tony developed them to neutralize the enemy with less blood and with more stealth after a particular mission had gone haywire 3 days prior the Civil War disaster, as the press elegantly called it.

 

“Sentinel mode.” He got out of the armor and up the stairs. He was wearing the same clothes from three days ago, with oil and sweat on them.

 

Once he got to the door, from the other side, he could hear Laura reassuring the kids by telling them that Iron Man was on his way to rescue them. Then they went silent.

 

“Laura.” He said, voice hoarse. The woman opened the door and without warning throw herself over him with a hug. She was crying of happiness, relief, fear, and despair at the same time.

 

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…” Sobbed. Lost of words, he put a hand on her head and with the other stroked her back in calming circles.

 

“Boss.” Interrupted F.R.I.D.A.Y. “There are several explosives on the property.”

 

‘Shit!’ They need to get out of here.

 

“We have to go.” He detached himself from the hug, the adrenaline running through his body.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” He tapped his ear, not looking at Laura and trying to sound professional. “How much?”

 

“Two minutes.”

 

Laura took a crying Nathaniel in her arms, while he took Cooper and Lila. The jet was already waiting for them outside. And he may or may not have broken another rib in the process along side his left arm but that was not the moment to complain.

 

“Ten seconds.”

 

“Get down!” He shouted when they made it to the jet— Yeah, definitely another broken rib—, behind them the house exploded.

 

* * *

 

 

Laura's horror expression was something that chased him in his nightmares for a half year. Still does, but not like in the beginning. But what you should said when someone loses everything?

 

_“Did you know?” He was lying to him. He was being used once again._

_“I didn’t know it was him.” Captain America, Steve Rogers, was lying to him._

_“Don’t bullshit me Rogers! Did you know?!” He begged, he didn’t want it to be true. It had to be a nightmare._

_“Yes”_

****

Their home, their lives and memories were gone.

 

It was more than expected that they would feel confused. More than once Cooper approached him and asked him where his father was, and more than once answered with a negative response, seeing himself when he was a little kid every time he asked Jarvis about where his father or mother were. That’s why he made everything he could to gave them a home. Then he became Uncle Tony, the unbreakable Uncle Tony.

 

Gosh! How he wanted to believe those words.

 

Then, out of nowhere, Natasha appeared with a guilt-ridden look in her eyes, in the middle of the night at the door of his workshop. That night, his lowest point, he had been drinking too much alcohol just to forget the nightmares, the feeling of hands playing in his chest, tearing it apart like it was paper, pulling out the reactor over and over again for sheer fun. Sometimes it was Obadiah, and sometimes it was Steve. He wanted it to stop, to leave him alone for little while but those hands keep pulling, drowning him in that ocean where everything hurts, and he couldn’t breathe.

 

She found him on the ground, glassy eyes looking at nothing and surrounded by multiples bottles.

 

“Tony…” Hesitantly, she tried to touch him but stopped in the middle of it. Maybe, it was because of the tears starting down his eyes or the fact that he started to sob like a whining little baby.

 

“I'm sorry.” She leaned against him and put his head between her neck, humming what sounded like a Russian song, and started crying. They were broken, scared, hurt and on the edge of giving up. One more than the other.

 

He didn’t know what had happened that night, if it was just a bad joke, his mind playing some kind of illusion induced by the amount of alcohol in his system, or the lack of sleep; nevertheless, when he woke up the next morning, she was asleep beside him, with a peaceful smile on her face.

 

The last ones were Peter and his aunt, but despite his offers, they stayed at their little apartment in Queens. Although, more than often you could see Peter coming after school.

 

All of them, including Rhodey and Vision, were his family now. One who trusted and supported him, though they reminded him that it was okay to make mistakes once in a while. And only for them he did everything he could to not fall apart and be the support for all of them. But now that people who betrayed him would return, he didn’t know how much time he could hold it.

 

Looking at the living room, he smiled when he saw the scene in front of him. Everyone felt sleep while watching a Star Wars movie. Nathaniel was comfortable sleeping in his mother arms, Natasha beside them with Lila over the redhead legs; on the other side of the room, snoring like a bear—More like a sick bear, though. Seriously buddy, no offence but you need to see a doctor because that’s really annoying. That I don't know how it is that nobody has complained yet with your snoring echoing all over the place! —, was Rhodey scattered all over the 'seat of love'— as Peter called it— with a bowl full of Cheetos; and finally, with the face against the floor, was Peter and Cooper.

 

Careful not to wake anyone, he took the bowl from Rhodey and ordered F.R.I.D.A.Y. to turn off the T.V. They seemed very cozy to wake them up, so he remained quiet.

 

“How did it go?” Natasha stopped him. Looks like she wasn’t sleep after all.

 

He approached and sat on the armrest. He didn’t want to disturb Lila. “It’s over. The accords, Ross, everything is over.”

 

_Not yet._

“Thanks.” She nodded. After the airport fight, Ross tried to arrest her and make her look like a criminal, so she run away.

 

He gave her a little, but actual, smile. He was tired. Three days of going to reunions and negotiations with the UN took away the energy for the week.

 

He was freezing, he could feel the cold cutting through his bones. Rogers was walking away.  His childhood hero, his friend, was leaving him surrounded by cold blocks of concrete.

 

“Are you okay?” It was a simple question, innocent and full of concern at the same time.

 

_He couldn’t breathe._

“They arrive in three days, if everything goes well.” He whispered. It was easy to avoid the question than reply.

 

_He couldn’t breathe. There wasn't air in the room and his lungs hurts. He needed to breathe._

They stayed silent for a little while, Rhodey snoring in the background and at some point, Lila joined the symphony. Natasha notice that he wasn’t in the mood for a talk and didn’t push the subject.

 

Out of sudden, Lila got up from Natasha legs, sleepy, and climbed over the genius legs, her little arms closing around his neck. The billionaire settled her in his arms and sat on the sofa, a hand running through the seven-year-old hair.

 

Tony closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of quiet and calm before the storm called ‘Rogers and his personal flying monkeys’ hits the ground. He knows that they were going to blame him.

 

_“I’m trying to keep— I’m trying to keep you from tearing the avengers apart!”_

_“You did that when you sign”_

 

If he was being honest, he would be an idiot to pretend that he wasn't angry, that he wasn't completely done of always be the one to blame when something went wrong. Or the fact that it hurts more than he expected.

 

Every day he could see the anger in Cooper's eyes towards Clint, Lila's sad look on Christmas or her birthday and Barton wasn't there, not even a phone call; Vision not losing sight of Rhodey even though he was already walking on his own, helping him whenever he could; Peter was fine, if almost dying trying to keep his technology away from a vulture-thing-man is considered safe.

 

The funny thing is, he was the one who kept them all together. But how long would it take him to give up? How long he could hold it together and confront them?

 

_Smile, they can’t see you like this. Stark are made of iron._

_Smile._

_I can’t I’m tired._

_Smile._

“I'm going to hit him in the face.” Said Laura, she had woken up at some point while he was lost in his mind.

 

“And if he dares to tell you something,” Tony smiled at her, but never reached his eyes. “I’m serious Tony. If they dare to tell you something, I’ll hit them myself in the balls.”

 

“Thanks.” Again, his smile never reached his eyes.

 

_“Sorry Tony. You know I wouldn’t do this if I have any other choice, but he is my friend.”_

_“So was I.”_

“I'll taking the kids to bed” Nat took Lila in her arms while Laura woke up Cooper from the ground. Peter got up minutes later saying good night and went to his room.

 

There was silence once again. Well, except for Rhodey. He needs to remind F.R.I.D.A.Y. to make an appointment to some kind of doctor for his friend because that was not normal.

 

He could go to his room, take a shower and sleep, something that his body needed right now. But the simple thought of closing his eyes terrified him.

 

What if he opened them and Stane was there, holding the reactor in his hands? If Steve was the one helping him while he was dying slowly? Or if someone got into the compound and kill the kids, Laura, Peter, Rhodey, Vision and Nat just because he wasn’t fast enough?

 

_Breathe Tony. Breathe. Inhale, exhale. In, Out._

_Everyone is safe, no one is going to hurt them._

He looked at Rhodey for the last time before getting up. Maybe it was a good idea to get some sleep and put back together his masks, make the walls higher and impenetrable than ever.

 

They didn't have to know that he was broken.


	2. I'm going to be okay until tomorrow part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys, it's really amazing that you liked the story so far, seriously, I did not expect that.  
> Anyway, if you see an error, do not hesitate to tell me in the comments because you can help me improve my English. And probably you will find them because I have not slept since yesterday.

_“Stark is an idiot.”_ Clint said the first time he came back from an Avengers mission. And she had believed him because the rest of the world agreed. But that was before he went to fight a war he didn't belong, just because Captain America asked him to.

She was mad at him.

The day of the incident, she had called several times, but no one responded. Then recalled that Clint had gave her Tony’s number, for some weird reason, and called him. She was so glad that she did, otherwise, they would have died in that explosion. But the days passed, and Clint didn't call, and Lila and Cooper kept asking where his father was. It was like he had vanished from the planet.

Until Tony gave her the phone.

 

* * *

 

_“Here” He extended his hand. “Steve gave it to me if something happened but looks like you need it more than me.” She examined the old cell phone, no sure what to do. The genius nodded, encouraging her to take it. Later in the night, when everyone had gone to bed, she found that there was only one number in the directory, Steve's number._

_She pressed the call button._

_“… Tony.” A voice answered from the other side, but it was not who he wanted to talk to._

_“Sorry Captain.” A knot began to form in her throat. “Can- Can I talk to my husband, please?”_

_“He’s not here.”_

_“We both know that’s not true, Steve.” She replied annoyed. She was mother of three kids and knew how to recognize when they were lying to her, and this was the case. “I want to talk to my husband.”_

_There was a moment of silence where she could hear Clint arguing with Steve in the background._

_“L-Laura…” She tried to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. Anger, sadness, relief, was all she felt now. She let out a small sob._

_“Laura, are you okay?! I thought you and the kids… Someone told me about the explosion and… God! I thought I had lost you.” What a hypocrite of him. “I can’t believe that Stark was capable of doing something like that.”_

_“You have no shame.” She hissed. She couldn't believe that he really thought that Tony was capable of doing something like that. But who was she to judge, there was a time when she thought that her adored husband would never leave his family, but now she didn’t know what to think._

_“What?”_

_“You, Clinton Francis Barton, have no shame!” She cried at him. "The man you are blaming, the selfish billionaire that you all despise, is the man who saved your children! The only one that answered my phone calls when you didn’t because you were busy being a fugitive! That, if I remember well, was a choice you made by yourself!”_

_“Yeah, right, as if the man was a saint.” Clint huffed, like he thought he was right. And that got her even more angrier. “I know Stark, he is not capable of—”_

_“Believe it or not Barton! Tony Stark saved us from that fucking explosion! He did what you were supposed to do!”_

_“You’re on his side?!”_

_“You left us Clint!”_

_“Oh, so now you’re saying that this is all my fault?!”_

_“You know what? I don’t want to hear you. I don’t know when you planning to be back, but you and I, our marriage, It’s over.” She declared, hissing. “I’ll send you the papers.” She didn’t hear Clint’s protest when she hung. She threw the phone to the other side of the bed and buried her face in her hands and started crying._

_This wasn’t fair, they were supposed to be a functional family, full of love and happiness. Yes, they had their difficulties in the past, but they resolved them because she and Clint were a team. And now it was over because those stupid accords and the stubbornness of Captain America._

_“ ‘m sorry.” Said Tony from the door of her room. He looked pale, his eyes were red with big dark circles under them, his hair was a mess, as if he had run his hands desperately through his head._

_“Is not your fault.” She said with a sad look. The man tensed his jaw and lowered his gaze, looking at his feet. “Everyone made their choices. Good or bad, don't blame yourself for something that wasn't yours.”_

_"Still I should have done something."_

_“You did what you thought was right. Besides, it's not like the world is going to end if there are no avengers.” She joked trying to make him laugh. Something changed in Tony's eyes. His gaze became distant, unconscious of the world around him._

_She shouldn't have said that._

_“Tony…”_ _The genius was brought back from his mind, a little dazed. Suddenly, an idea crossed her mind. She knew he had a problem with alcohol, but he had been sober for almost ten years. “Tony are you drunk?”_

_The billionaire avoided her gaze. Ashamed, he closed his eyes and sighed. “I… I’ll be at the workshop. ‘f you need something j’st ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. and she will let me know.” He said tilting his head a little. The moment he left, she noticed that his legs were shaking, and he was doing his best not to fall._

 

* * *

 

If only the world could see how caring this man was. He was always trying to make things better. Spending hours, days, weeks without sleep to fix something that he believed was his fault. Even when everyone told him it wasn’t.

Weeks after that call with Clint, Nathaniel started to call him 'Dad', and it was the first time she saw him panic, but her son kept repeating the word, giggling of pure happiness. And Lila and Cooper followed their brother by calling him Uncle Tony. The smile he had on his face was memorable.

_“Uncle Tony, uh? I like it, I'll keep it.” He had Lila over his shoulders and Cooper attached to his waist._

 “Hmmm, that smells delicious.” Natasha appeared beside her wearing what looked like Tony’s pajama pants, holding a coffee mug. “Do you need help?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.” She replied. She was making pancakes for breakfast. Rhodey, Lila, Cooper and Peter were sitting on the couch watching Wall-E and Vision was helping her by flipping the pancakes. And Nathaniel was still asleep.

“You know, I was thinking that maybe we should go to Central Park for a walk and maybe an Ice cream to enjoy the day.” Everyone was tense now that they knew that the rest of the avengers were coming back. And that's tomorrow. So, a day out of the compound sounded like an excellent idea. But they only have one problem.

“Yeah, sound good to me but, how do you plan to convince Batman down there? He's been locked in his cave all morning.” Said Rhodey, from his spot on the couch. Since returning from his last meeting with the UN, Tony had been avoiding every resident of the compound. F.R.I.D.A.Y. had told them he was just simply working with King T'Challa about the latest arrangements for Steve and the others to arrive without problems.

"A woman has her methods," Natasha said as she took a pancake that Vision had flipped.

"Good luck then." Rhodey didn't seem so sure.

“Just tell him there are pancakes and if he doesn't come soon they will be gone.” Added Laura, taking her own.

“I can eat them if Uncle Tony doesn't want them!” Cooper shouted happily. She was so proud that her son was so considerate, but she was sure that the genius hasn't eaten anything since yesterday… and the day before. How is the man has survived so far? He could be a genius but sometimes it was like dealing with a little child who forgot that eating and sleeping was, in fact, a human need. And that was saying a lot when you are dealing daily with three. If it weren’t for Pepper, Rhodey, her and Natasha—and Dummy’s smoothies—, he would have died from starvation.

“I’ll call you if I need back up.” Natasha walked away. She couldn't help but smile thinking about Tony and Natasha. The two seemed to complement each other perfectly. And it was not a surprise when both announced they were dating. Actually, she was surprised that Nat had allowed someone else in her life, apart from Clint.

 

* * *

 

 

A mechanic, engineer, surgeon, chemist, painter—whatever—has some abilities that make him different from the rest, such as having steady hands. Which is a requirement in his line of work. It wasn't a big deal because it was a family thing.

But now, out of nowhere, his hands were shaking like a bunch of chihuahuas in the winter.

At first, he thought it was his body telling him he needed to rest, but Nat had made him take his eight hours of sleep and he hadn't done anything physically demanding. So, the rest was out of the equation. Besides, he could still work on his armors, right?

Nope, he couldn’t because it got worse and he felt cold.

_‘Don't even think about it, Tony. You're in your workshop, not in that stupid bunker!’_

At least he could still work on the computers, where he didn't need as much precision as with the armor or some of his other inventions that could explode in his face at any moment if he wasn't careful. But with every minute the tremor was getting annoying.

"How long have you been down here?" Two thin hands gripped his shoulders, making circles on his back with her thumbs. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Natasha's chest, enjoying the contact.

"Just a couple of hours." He threw back his head, sighing. She was using the perfume he gave her on their first month anniversary, the one that smelled like strawberry and mint. They stayed like that for a few seconds, Natasha gently rubbing his back and the back of his neck, and slowly the trembling of his hands stopped.

"Breakfast is ready. Laura and Vision made pancakes.

"And you're still alive?" He had nothing against Laura's food—which was delicious by the way—, but he had a problem with Vision, like everyone else. Although he had to admit that he had been improving; but lately, even when he was hungry, the food didn't have taste for him. It felt like he was eating dough.

"Yeees."

"Maybe I'll give him a chance, just because you said Laura made them too." The two smiled at each other.

They stayed quiet again. Natasha gave him a kiss on the forehead while she wrapped him in a hug, the two tangled their hands.

"After breakfast we'll all going to the park."

"I can't," he complained, breathing into the redhead's neck. She smelled very good, and it made him feel calm. "I have work to do."

"No discussion." She rested her head on his shoulders. "And go take a bath."

"Showers are for fools"

"Just go take a shower." She gave him another gentle kiss on the forehead and went to the door. “And do it quickly, Cooper threatens to eat your pancakes if you don't.”

He watched her go out of the corner of his eye, smiling when he realized that she was wearing one of his pajama pants and an old t-shirt from the MIT.

"FRIDAY, block the lab. No one is allowed unless I say so ... but remove Rhodey, Vision and Laura from that list." He got up from his seat, wiping the imaginary dust from his jeans.

"You are the boss." The AI was more than happy to carry out his orders. There were a lot of probabilities (5 out of 10, maybe 10 out of 10) that Rogers would come down here looking for him and if he didn't find him, well, he doesn't really want him walking around like 'Pedro por su casa' in his workshop. Especially if his gang comes with him.

He had planned to move to the tower, away from them, but that would leave Laura and the children without any protection. And God! How he loved them! Besides, she had helped, more than she should, with the accords and Ross as her new chief lawyer.

_"Why you didn't tell me you're a lawyer ?!" he asked incredulously and in a high-pitched voice._

_"You didn't ask."_

_"Okay, from now on you're my new lawyer."_

_"Tony you don't have to-"_

_"Yes, I have to. Also, if I remember correctly, you have no job. So, give it or take? " He was serious. If he wanted to bring the others back, he needed someone who knew how to deal with Ross and his stupid team of lawyers. And to being honest, the woman had three children, and that was enough for him to make her his new lawyer._

_"You're not going to accept a no for an answer, right?"_

_"Nope." He gave her a triumphant smile._

_"Okay, where do I sign?" She said resigned as his smile grew from ear to ear like a child's in a candy store._

It looks like someone was going to get more than one gift on Mother's Day, her birthday and any other celebration that needs giving something. You know what?! Fuck that, everyone would get extra gifts the rest of the year. And if Pepper doesn't like it, he doesn't care as long as they all happy.

When he reached his room, F.R.I.D.A.Y. had already opened the shower, with steam and warm water coming out of it. Just as he likes it.

After Afghanistan, he couldn't stand the water on his head— Any body of water that reach beyond his ankles—, it reminded him too much of that cave and the electro magnet embedded in his chest— Electrocuting him from the inside while people shouted at him in a language he didn't understand. Later he discovered that the ice-cold water made his body feel numb and that he could stand it. Of course, it had to happen Siberia to ruin it all because soon the cold made his mind return to that bunker.

Watching the water running through his body, he stared at his arms, and ran his fingers over his skin just where he could see his veins and the idea that crossed his mind since his parents died, invaded his thoughts. But even after a long time, he still couldn't find the motivation to do it. On one side, he would be set free but also it would be very selfish from him.

"You're pathetic," he told himself, closing his hands in a fist. He repressed the sensation of a lump forming in his throat closing his eyes and letting the water fall directly into his face. Panic was better than feeling empty, better than the pain in his chest.

"Pathetic and weak, that's what you are," He repeated in a whisper.

 

* * *

 

 

They can come back home without the fear of being arrested and sentenced to death, the latter was for Bucky. But even so, he felt like a criminal. Why? Because he had hurt a friend and left him alone on a cold base in Siberia, without any form of communication and transportation.

But what he was supposed to do?

_"Hey! I know I just beat you up, but, you know, we're the only ones with a jet and well, you want a ride? "_

_"Of course, Steve. And don't worry about almost killing me and hit me in the chest with your shield, you're still my friend. "_

If he has something clear was that things wouldn't be the same as before. Everyone was angry, and they hated each other, or that's what he saw with Clint and Wanda. Tony definitely will not talk to him for the rest of his life, or Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Bucky, well, everyone except Rhodey and Vision.

Speaking of Natasha, where is she? The last time he spoke with her was shortly after Siberia. She didn't say where she was, and he didn't ask. He told her everything from Bucky to Zemo.

 

* * *

 

"Did he know?" He didn't have to ask who he was talking about. Tony was a good friend to both of them.

There was a pause before he replied. He didn't know how to tell her that the genius didn't want to listen, that he tried to kill him and Bucky.

"Steve ... Did he know?" She insisted, exasperation in her voice.

"He didn't believe me, he wasn't listening to me. And then Zemo ... he did everything because of what happened in Sokovia. He lost all his family and he blamed us for that, especially Tony, he wanted to make him angry and Tony did exactly that. " He sighed.

"He's not a soldier Steve, not like you."

"I know, it's just ... he shouldn't have let his emotions cloud his judgment. You can't let the enemy to control you."

"What is not what we all did?" But he ignored that question. His mind still playing the memory of Tony's face when the video ended.

'Did you know?' He was pleading like a child that what he just saw was just a lie, a nightmare, even a joke.

"God, he shouldn't have seen that stupid video!"

Shit!

No one should know about the video.

"What video?" She wasn't asking, she was demanding an answer.

It seems that he didn't have any other choice, aside from him, she also knew what had happened with Howard.

"An old video of the night that his parents died." He could see Natasha's angry look on him from the other side of the phone.

"Let me guess, you told him you didn't know it was him?"

"It wasn't him, Nat. It was Hydra. He was being- "

"That's not the point, Rogers!" She was more than furious. And it was confusing, he had never imagined Natasha protecting Tony. Those two were like water and oil. "You're an Idiot!

"He tried to kill Bucky, Natasha!!"

"But he didn't! I've known Tony long enough to know when he is serious, with intend to kill, and when he's not. Trust me, because if not, you and I wouldn't have this conversation right now. "

"You weren’t there."

"I don't give a shit if I was there or not! You promised me you were going tell him and I had trusted you! Just like he trusted you! " He didn't know how to react. "Being Tony's friend and having him trusting you is a privilege that few people have. Tell me how you would feel if Bucky had lied to you about your parent’s death?! "

"Don't get Bucky into this, he would never do that."

"That's the fucking point Steve! He thought that you would never ... You know what? Forget it. There's no point in talking to the wall. " She hung up.

 

* * *

 

He'd been an idiot, a big one.

But he could still fix this, he just had to talk to Tony and apologize.

'He trusted you!' Natasha's voice echoed in his mind.

"Steve." Sam called him from the door. He was dressed like any civilian, red t-shirt and gray pants, in one hand he had a briefcase with his wings. "We're all ready, except you."

"I'll go in a minute. I have to do something before we leave." Sam nodded and turned around. Once he was sure he was gone, and there was no one else around, he pulled out a small cell phone from his pocket.

He need to try one last time. He just has to push the call button and wait for the best... or the worse.

He pressed it and waited and waited. Until he reached the voice mail once again.

Seems like Natasha was right. He really messed up.

 

 


	3. I'm going to be okay until tomorrow part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still alive.

Clint was moving his left foot up and down like a maniac, twisting in his seat for the thousandth time.

They were in a UN building somewhere in London. One of the deals to bring them back and end the accords was if they stayed in house arrest at the avengers’ compound for at least six months. It was something Clint didn’t find very pleasant neither Wanda or Scott. But Sam and Bucky on the other hand hadn’t said anything about it.

“And what if the threat is too much and they need our help? We can’t stay still while our friends are risking their life.” Although Steve knew this was coming and they will have to pay for it soon or later, it didn’t make him happy either. He just didn’t show it like Clint or Wanda.

“Only, if the other members of the team agree.” Stated Agent Everette Ross.

“Let’s say they need help but they refuse and then die, what will happen in those cases?” Clint added, with a hint of anger in his voice.

“Only if, Agent Barton. But seeing the performance of the new team, I don’t think it will happen anytime soon.” Ross gave him a satisfied smile, clearly enjoying how Clint seemed to be about to explode with anger, “Until then you will remain under the full surveillance and jurisdiction of Mr. Stark.”

He was more than sure the archer would be on Tony's neck once they landed in the compound.

God help him.

“Now, if you don’t feel comfortable with this I can assure you there is a cell for all of you somewhere in wherever country you had broken the law.”

“And please stay in your seat while an agent put this device” Ross waved some sort of bracelet in his hands. “in your feet so I could go.”

Suddenly six men in uniforms, each one with a briefcase, appeared.

Without any other choice, the rogue ones let them put the devices in their ankle. The device was black, he noticed, and it wasn’t as heavy as he thought it would be. The device fitted perfectly to his ankle. Then the agent pressed a button and the device disappeared.

As seeing Steve surprise, Ross smiled. “They are designed so you don’t feel them, but if you try to take them off or go smart, I can assure you, you will feel it.” He looked at Wanda and Clint at the last part and smiled. “Have a good day, gentlemen, madam.”

Not even a minute passed before Clint began to rant about why and how he was going to murder Tony in his sleep. Wanda listened attentively, playing with her powers between her fingers. Bucky, Scott, and Sam snorted, they were far beyond tired of listening to his outbursts. In all the time they were in Wakanda, it was the only thing that came out of the former agent mouth every time he had the chance.

He looked at his ankle and ran a hand over it, his hand managing to touch his skin as if there was nothing in between. It is possible Shuri has influenced the design, her technology was impressive and conformed perfectly to the tastes and needs of the person who used it. But right now, it was the other way around.

“If you are all ready, can we leave?” Appeared T’Challa, two Dora Milaje—Okoye, if he remembers, the other he didn’t recognize—, behind his back.

Recently his relationship with the king of Wakanda hasn’t been in good terms. For a while he just gave them brief reports of the advance with Bucky's mind control, or when all the scandal of the possible—now real— cancellation of the accords began. And It all started with one of his visits to the United States where he was sure he stayed at the compound. He doesn’t know if it was because Natasha told him what happened in Siberia, or it was Tony, but he was upset about something. That left him wondering what happened to the genius after they left. Was he sick? Injured? There had to be something because now the king was upset with them. And yet he kept them in his palace, gave them food, drink, beds, clothes, everything. There was not a single day when a palace worker was not with them. They were treated as if it were the Royal Family.

“Your Highness” They began to walk between corridors full of agents and armed men, who gave them suspicious looks. He ignored them, instead he walked next to the King of Wakanda. “I must thank you for what you have done for us ... for Bucky. And I know It has been a difficult year for everyone but if you need me, if you need the Avengers, it would be an honor.”

"I appreciate and respect you, Captain. But it is not me who should be thanked, "he said without looking at him, head up and shoulders raised. Steve stopped when he heard the king's words. He looked down and smiled, shaking his head.

Maybe Tony didn't hate him after all.

 

* * *

 

"Okay, Pete. Do what I told you, hands up in front of the head and firm feet on the ground. Coop, you come with me up front and Lila ... you know what to do." They were outside the compound playing soccer, Laura, Ned, May, and Nathaniel were all their audience, Vision was the referee, several new SHIELD recruits— there has not been much criminal activity in the last days and they had nothing to do— they were the opposite team, while Lila, Cooper, Rhodey, Peter, he and Natasha were the other.

After a long walk through Central Park and an ice cream-as Natasha said-they returned to the complex. None of the boys were tired and insisted they wanted to play with their uncles. And he couldn't refuse with all of them giving him puppy looks.

As a child his Aunt Peggy enrolled him in a team, with the excuse it he had to interact with more children his age. She was backed up by his mother and the Jarvis. And surprisingly, Howard didn´t object to the idea even though he considered the sport a waste of time. All the children were taller than him and at the beginning everyone bullied him for being the rich kid, but he soon discovered he was good at soccer and things changed for better. At some point they ended up in the nationals several times. But he had to leave it when he entered MIT. Then he became CEO of Stark Industries, Iron Man happened, Avengers happened, etc., etc. Everyone knows the rest.

Besides, Laura told him Lila wanted to play soccer too, and Peter was already the goalkeeper from his high school team since last year. It was the only sport in which no one would notice his powers, only his good reflexes.

"Hey," he said softly to one of the other team's agents. "Be careful, only 25%. OK?". They nodded. They needed to be careful, they were playing with kids.

"Vis, you give the whistle." He positioned himself in front of Cooper, who had the ball between his feet. Vision looked at both teams, all waiting for him to give the signal.

"Mr. Stark, I'm afraid I do not know how to whistle." He said with his 'Oh, I'm very polite and British' voice.

“I can’t believe this,” Tony hissed between his teeth, looking up and putting his hands on his waist. Lila giggled.

“Okay, whatever. May?! Would you give me the honor?” He pointed at the woman direction. May did what she was asked, followed by a shout of encouragement. “Yeah! Let’s go guys!!”

“Come on, Cooper! You can do it!”

Cooper passed him the ball and started running, everyone started running. One of the young agents approach him and went for the ball, he quickly passed it to Rhodey.

He must be honest, he was so proud of his best friend. Who would have thought the man would run again, let alone play any sort of sports? Sure, he had needed a lot of rehabilitation and some robotic legs to do it, but James 'Rhodey' Rhodes was running and playing as if nothing had happened.

The enemy got the ball now, they passed Cooper and Natasha, getting close to the goal but he was sure Lila would take care of them.

“Parker, eyes up.” He shouted as he tried to reach an agent called Jake. Cooper was covering a woman, Amy; Rhodey was over another agent called Andy and Natasha got a guy twice her size called Barry.

Jake got close to Lila and Peter, tossed the ball to Amy but the seven-year-old don’t even let her shoot. She was an excellent defense.

“Aunt Nat, here.” Though she need to practice her aiming.

“Got it!” Shouted Peter. “Natasha!” Of all things, he didn’t expect Natasha to -play _no-murder-_ sports but she is Natasha Romanoff and it means whatever she does she's going kick your ass nonetheless.

She skipped Barry, Jake, and Andy, and tossed him the ball. Cooper close to him. He played for a little while with another guy called Henry. And if he remembers well, he went to MIT with him back in the 80’s.

“How are the kids?” He asked Henry between breaths. The guy didn’t let him pass

"I'm not going to fall for your game, Tones."

"What? Can't I be a boss who cares about the lives of his employees?" Henry lunged at him and tried to take the ball from him, but he pushed the ball forward and ran to the left. When he recovered the ball, Cooper had removed his mark and was in front of the goal, he sent a center, "Hey Coop!" and the boy received it with his chest. Amy and Barry surrounded him, but it was in vain because the child was good and easily evaded them.

"Barton has the ball! The goalkeeper gets nervous, Cooper kicks the ball and," He imitate the voice of a commentator.

"Goal!" Lila jumped and then ran along with her brother who was celebrating running with the ball around their improvised field. The others smiled and clapped their hands when Cooper passed them.

"Hey, Cristiano!" Rhodey joked, "If it doesn't bother you, we want to keep playing!"

The boy soon returned to his position and handed the ball to Jake.

"This is your fault," Amy told Jake as the others returned to their position.

"Why is it all my fault ?!" They continued arguing when they resumed the game, and this time it was Lila and Natasha who scored while Jake and Amy fought with each other. Cooper scored three goals more and Rhodey just one. The opposing team had only one goal just because Peter had slipped.

Everyone was having a good time, and after a while of watching, Laura and May entered the game because he was getting tired and he was more than sure his heart would come out of his throat. Rhodey joined him minutes later, in the same state as him, collapsing in to the grass.

"I think it would be helpful if I brought, as you say, some energy drinks called Powerade." Vision suggested as he and Rhodey were bathed in sweat and struggling to breathe.

“Yeah, buddy— j’st do that.” He said panting, slowly lying down besides his friend.

God! He was getting old, or it was the reactor ... Yes, it was definitely the new reactor.

He looked at Rhodey direction and started laughing when he saw how his friend was suffering. His shirt was bathed in sweat just like his face, his chest rose and fell rapidly with his labored breaths. Had it not been for his military training he would have already fainted. “Feeling old, grandpa.” Rhodey instead tried to hit him in the face. "We're in the same boat, douchebag."

"Yet I’m doing it better than you.”

"Still you're getting old." Nat added, sitting beside him and stroked his forehead. She didn't look tired, not even a drop of sweat on her face. It was as if she had never played. Maybe she was an android from the future and the real Natasha was dead.

"We're all getting old." He replied, trying to get Natasha to lie down. Natasha resisted, and they ended up in a small fight to see who was the strongest and would surrender first. "But still I'll see prettier than you." He said in a strained voice, Natasha giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Grandpa." Rhodey shook his wrist, looking up at the sky.

"Come on, honey bear. You're just jealous, admit it—Just give in!” He pushed her shoulders down.

"Jealous of what?" Natasha teased. After several attempts on his part he finally gets her to lay down and began to stroke his hair while trying to compose his breathing.

"The beard." Answered.

Until now he couldn't imagine a life without her. But he knew how easy it would be to lose her one of these days. Right now, he could close his eyes and someone or something could take her away from him without him being able to do something. And just with that thought, anxiety began to take over his mind and the trembling of his hands returned while he imagined several scenarios. Although he managed to hide it while playing with the assassin's hair.

He hated his mind.

"I have a beard."

"But it's not as amazing as mine." He pointed to his beard, smiling from cheek to cheek and blinking. Thankfully, his voice didn’t give anything away.

Both Nat and Rhodey rolled their eyes.

"I think Thor's beard is the best." The three were surprised when Ned spoke, they had forgotten about the boy. The teenager just shrugged, "I just saying."

They stayed silent for several minutes, Rhodey nearly falling asleep if not for Nathaniel who wanted attention for himself. Laura and May returned when the kids started playing shooting competitions with the agents. They were a ball of energy, specially Lila.

Meanwhile he tried to clear his mind thinking about things like the periodic table or the new updates for his new armor, anything that could distract him. He didn’t want to have a panic attack in front of all of them.

Just as he was getting it under control, Vision appeared with Pepper.

“Well, it was nice while it lasted.” Murmured Rhodey. It would be dark soon, which meant there were fewer and fewer hours left for Steve Rogers to return. There was a chance this was the reason she was here on her day off.

_Breathe, Tony. Just fucking breathe._

“Pepper!” He greeted her with a big fake smile, getting up and putting his hands in the pockets of his pants. “What can I do for you?”

When both broke up—when she broke up with him—, neither of them could stand each other. Well, he couldn't bear looking at her without his heart burning but time passed and now they were good friends again, as if nothing had happened. The only thing they agreed on was they would share the position of CEO. Fifty-fifty, includes the long-boring meetings and parties. No objection.

“Hi guys.” She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “Sorry but I kind of need him right now.” She apologized taking him by the arm, walking fast. They passed between Peter and the others and Pepper greeted them with a smile.

She was in a hurry.

“What’s going on?” He tried to keep pace, a little worried. “But just in case, it wasn’t me.”

“Ross called,” He sighed. The last thing he needed right now was Ross harassing him.

“What does he want now?”

“He wants to be here tomorrow.” Before he could argue, she continued, “I know, I told him it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted.” Tony took a deep breath.

He was definitely sure something bad would happen tomorrow.

“And Hope is here.” Added Pepper. Apparently, they were going to the conference room.

“¿Hope Van Dyne? ¿Hank Pym’s daughter?”

They were a few meters from the conference room, the walls showed Hope sitting in one of the chairs waiting for them.

“Yeah, so please behave like an adult.” She whispered in his ear before opening the door.

“I’m not my father, Potts.” He said with a forced smile when Hope got up from his seat to greet them.

“Mr. Stark,” They both shook their hands with a smile that only means serious business. “Pepper! It’s been a while!” The woman passed through him like he hadn’t exist just a second ago, leaving him awkwardly standing.

“How are you? How's your dad?”

“Good, very very good, thanks for asking.” He murmured watching the two women interact. Pepper gave him a look.

“He's fine, like usual.” Both continued to ignore him. Apparently, the two women had formed a friendship he didn't know about. He stood there, uncomfortable, for five minutes until he decided it was enough. Nobody leaves Tony Stark in the corner.

“I don't want to be rude but, what are you doing here Van Dyne?" The red head send him another side look telling him to behave.

"Sorry, I forgot." Hope cleaned her throat. "As you know, after the Sokovia accords incident, the government took away all our resources from me and my father. The company, the research, laboratories..."

"Uh-hu, I think I am getting the point here."

"We... we have been running a research over the quantum realm. It's almost ready but we don't have all the resources to finish it." Tony didn't have to listen the whole story to know what was coming. Though, it was shocking for him that Hank Pym was asking for help from a Stark.

"Done." He said. Catching Hope in surprise. He didn't hate Hank, on the contrary, he respected the man and if they were asking for his help, he was more than willing to do it.

And he wanted to learn about the quantum realm too. It was a win-win situation.

"Just tell me what you need and will give it to you." Hope scowled a smile, holding her breath, she seemed about to explode with happiness. She thought it would be difficult to talk to him. She still remembered him as an arrogant idiot when they had met as teenagers and he had tried to seduce her, drunk. But apparently Tony did not seem to remember that little altercation.

Tony raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Does he had to get offended by the fact she didn't expect his answer? He was a different man now, but no one seemed to notice.

"We need a piece. A man in Moscow is offering it in fifty million, we have just ten. And without that piece, all our research would go to waste." He lowered his gaze thinking. Forty million were too much and his lawyers—Laura— would argue it could be a fraud. He felt Pepper looking at him, she was thinking the same.

He let out a long sigh. This wouldn't be easy at all. But it wasn't impossible. He was a billionaire after all.

"I'll see what I can do."

The three said goodbyes. Pepper stayed a little longer to check that everything was in place when the others arrived. He had requested a green card for Wanda and the papers were all ready for her to sign. Clint had an endless number of divorce papers that his lawyer, the best he could get, had already signed, just missing the custody of the children trial that would take place here at the compound. And Scott had a very high demand for property damage in Germany. That he was paying.

"I think that's all" Pepper sighed tired, running a hand over her face. Tony did the same making circles over his eyes with both hands.

"Go to sleep Tony, you need it." She said.

"Why everyone keeps saying the same?" He stretched his arms, then helped Pepper gather her things. " Natasha have me on check all the time, 24/7."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek. smiling. "I don't have to worry then."

She walked away, leaving him alone at the conference room. The moment she was out of sight, the mask slipped away.

How he was going to do this?

His watch marked ten o'clock, twelve hours before they arrive. And again, the tremor in his hands were back, the room was getting cold and something was making pressure over his chest.

He clenched his hands, one, two, three, four times. He could do this. He had survived the space, this was nothing.

_But he couldn’t breathe._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this.
> 
> StarkSkywalker15


End file.
